Shitposting in Another World: Post 3

Luckily, I seem to stop in midair before crashing into what appears to be a stone floor. It looks like there’s a large blood red magical circle drawn out beneath me. I somehow slowly descend to touch the ground, and finally look up. It seems like things are about to get hectic because I’m not alone in the dimly lit room and I am also still naked with a hard-on. Surrounding me on all sides are a few dozen child-sized humanoid creatures in white metal armor. Their open helmets reveal soot-colored noseless faces with two amber eyes apiece. Each of them seems to have a weapon sheathed either on their hip or their back, such as swords, axes, and maces. They watch me closely as I look around the room, but otherwise do nothing. I don’t really know what to do, so I try to speak to them.

>Hello? I’m sorry I’m naked, but where am I?

Unfortunately for me, this immediately puts them on edge, and in tandem, their oversized gauntlets reach for their respective weapons. As for myself, my only weapon is quickly shrinking, and I don’t really see a good way out of this situation. It doesn’t seem like they understand me. The only exit from the room is a large wooden door behind the group of knights. I begin to look around in a panic for something I could use in defense, but I really am just naked here. Just as they appear to start unsheathing, the door opens up, and a figure walks through.

wingdings 1

A woman begins speaking in a language I’ve never heard in my entire life, and the knights make way for her to walk through, their armor clinking together as they move. I finally realize that I’m unsightly, and begin covering my crotch with my hands. The woman comes into view and recoils a little bit presumably because she realizes that I’m naked, then composes herself, arms crossed. A little shorter than me, she’s wearing what appears to be a white lab coat, brown work shoes, a blouse, and a formal black skirt. Her hair is a striking silver but doesn’t appear dyed. Sticking out a few inches through her hair on the top of her head are two horns. The red horns form a lightning bolt shape before pointing backward. They don’t seem to be accessories. She adjusts her wire-rim glasses and speaks once more. Is this where I make a joke about “sizing me up”?

wingdings 2

She asks something in a questioning tone and stops to wait for my response. I’ve heard virtually every spoken language on Earth via the internet, but I’ve never heard this one before. The mystical nature of everything that’s happened in the past few hours means that I’m obviously no longer on Earth or maybe even the same dimension. How awful.

>Hello, I’m sorry for showing up uninvited, but I don’t know what’s going on or where I am.

I would shrug, but my hands are preoccupied covering my junk. Her fantasy-like blood red eyes open wide for a second, and then she puts her hand on her chin. I don’t think she understands English. A little while passes in silence, but she eventually makes a frustrated noise and begins speaking again while making elaborate motions with her hands. I think she’s doing something magical. Maybe she’s using Conjure Clothes? That would be nice. I’m worried, but the fact that she didn’t just sic her knights on me means she’s probably not about to melt my flesh. Maybe. It’s not like I can fight back anyway.

wingdings 3

Exhaustion kicks in as she finishes casting her spell. I never did rest after that day at work. I’ve been awake for a long time today. Something inside me begins to scream out that I should resist whatever is happening. A bad feeling wells up. I open my mouth and try to call out, but I produce no noise. I fall to the ground with a thud, and before my eyes close I see the knights approaching. Before I fall unconscious, I feel like I lose something important. I hope Jackie is alright…



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