Shitposting in Another World: Post 8

I’ve been posting on 4chan for a long time, but the most I’ve ever practiced “posting like you’re from 2003” is from the periodic nostalgia threads on various boards. I’ve evolved with shitposting throughout history, so I struggle to remember how posting was like so long ago. Luckily, it looks like I’m still able to browse the other “current” threads. This helps because I can emulate how the other “users” are posting, to an extent. There’s always the chance I could type something stupid or unusual for 2003 4chan.

Like I noticed before, the actual board looks and functions like 2018 4chan. It even has 4chanx installed in the browser, which shouldn’t be possible. I’ve tried navigating off of 4chan itself, but the page looks like what happens when you hit F11 and hide the address bar. It doesn’t slide down when I mouse over the top either. It was worth a shot. I hazard a guess that Master T made this fake 4chan act like modern 4chan to make it easier for me to actively post. He was very clear in his hatred for me, so I have my doubts as well. It’s also possible it was an accident. This shit is pretty much magic after all.

I still can’t move my legs. Only my upper body seems to be capable of movement. If I can activate this “cheat power” at will, this is likely to prevent me from literally teleporting. I’m not sure to what extent T can interfere with me either, I’ll have to do some experimentation later. For now, I decide to make a relatively neutral post. I remember that Yotsuba&! Came out in the same year as 4chan, and the central character was chosen as the mascot of 4chan, so I choose that as my topic. However, I realize something immediately.

You need an image to start a thread, and I have no idea what’s on this “computer.” I click to upload an image anyway, and I’m greeted by a Windows XP window. The folder I’m in begins to rapidly fill up with Yotsuba&! images as if it can read my intent. That’s useful I guess. The window is in thumbnail view, so I scroll down and just pick an image that seems right. I craft the body and hit submit.
yotsubato001 post

A safe and unsuspecting experimental post. Not even a real shitpost, but sufficient enough to test my new power. This is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. As the thread loads, I notice something strange. My ability to reply disappears, and the thread starts automatically reloading itself at a rapid pace. Replies to the thread appear instantly as if time has sped up a hundredfold. The monitor, keyboard, and mouse start to fade away. The real world’s time begins to resume, and I realize I’m holding the dagger again, the embedded red gem glowing. Janice continues to talk as if nothing strange happened.

>Well, I suppose you could attempt to recite a ballad from your home, however amateur it may be. It’s possible the gods will be pleased with music from another world… are you alright? You look as if a specter has graced you with a visit.

>Did any of you notice what just happened?

The White Knights look confused for a moment, but then shake their heads. Janice shrugs before responding.

>I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about, did something occur while I was in thought?

I hesitate on how to explain the magical computer and the contact with T. I don’t know if such devices exist here, or if she will believe me at all.

>Well, you see…

For now, I settle for explaining that I was contacted by a seemingly hostile being who also granted me a strange power that allows me to generate tention without a performance. I then hold up the dagger to show that energy has indeed filled the Yuminium core.

>How peculiar… I’d say that you’re spouting nonsense, but your circumstances are already extremely unorthodox. Do you understand how to properly utilize your newfound power?

>Vaguely. I’m not sure how often I can do it and how effective it is compared to a real performance. As far as I can tell it can be done instantly. I’ll have to do some testing.

>As for this “Master T,” I doubt that I need to explain that fully trusting someone you can’t even see who forced upon you a dubious ability with no warning is not something I would recommend in the slightest.

>Yeah. He did say he’d speak to me again, so I’ll have to be cautious. I don’t really know what his goals are. He outright stated that he wishes I were dead but is helping me anyway. I’ll trust him as far as I can throw him… which is nowhere.

>Keep on your toes. As for the test, it seems you have enough power to cast a spell or two. The energy coming from the dagger is weak but serviceable. Let me demonstrate for you. Since I need to conserve energy, I’ll be using a simple cantrip. The casting of spells is simple to grasp, but exceptionally difficult to master. A spell is anything you can possibly imagine given form. However, the effectiveness of the spell and whether or not it is successfully cast is entirely dependent on several things. First is the amount of energy you channel from whatever you’re utilizing as a focus for your spell. More elaborate sorcery requires a higher output or the spell will fizzle. Second is any associated somatic, verbal, or material components necessary for the spell. The act of spellcasting is a performance itself, which astounds those affected and is watched by the gods themselves. The more gracious your movements, or commanding your voice is can profoundly influence the outcome of a spell. The third and final detail is one difficult to skillfully use. The origin of the energy you use to cast affects the nature of the final product. For example, gathered energy from an energetic dance is typically suitable for physical attributed spells, while a speech’s power might better be used for illusion magic. Furthermore, tention is divided into two categories: White and Black magic. The emotional energy of the attention you receive is either white for positive emotions or black for negative emotions. A child staring in wonder at a puppet show, or a bandit giving terrifying speeches before cutting down his victims. Black is associated with offensive or dangerous magic, while White is associated with positive or support magic. While using the associated emotional energy with a related spell type isn’t necessary to successfully cast, the greatest of masters command total control over the various kinds of power they absorb and assign it to the proper magic to further augment their strength… Do you comprehend so far?

I listen as best I can to her elaborate explanation. This appears to be her element because whenever magic has come up in discussion she gets really energetic.

>Yeah. Use related energy for related spells, and be stylish when casting. Don’t skimp on how much power you put into a spell, either.

>Wonderful. Now, observe.

Janice heads over to the archery targets and readies herself. A few seconds pass before she spreads her arms wide and looks up as if she were about to willingly fall forward. Bringing both her arms slowly together above her head, she takes a step back and pulls her arm behind her as if she’s winding up for a throw. Her voice rings out with purpose.

>A blooming flower acts as a shameless thief that pilfers the night of darkness itself: Peony!

With her pointer finger, she turns her body and thrusts her arm forward at the target, and from her hand surges forward a small fiery orb. It collides with the target and explodes like a real firework, sound and all, and sprays sparks everywhere, singing the wooden target. As if they knew this was going to happen from the start, the three knights rush over with filled buckets of water and douse the flames before they fully destroy the target. Conservative aren’t they? So this is real magic.

>Note that I could have cut the chant short, or forgone the movements entirely, but the outcome would have been weakened considerably. You’ll also notice that I chose a spell stylized after a firework because the energy that I’ve amassed was from the fireworks display I put on last year. This choice has a genuine effect on the result. I don’t expect you to do anything elaborate, but give it a try. Spellcasting is like painting a picture or composing a song. The time, effort and energy create the story.

I step up to the archery range and begin to consider what kind of spell I should cast. I really just make up whatever the hell I want, huh? So if the type of energy I received was from /b/, does that mean I should just make the spell random as well and hope for something cool? I don’t know how much tention this dagger holds yet, but Janice said I have enough for “one or two spells,” so I opt for something weak. Assuming that spellcrafting can more or less understand the caster’s intent, I decide to append a phrase to the end of my spell that I hope will make the random effect purely of the attacking sort. I don’t want a truly random spell that could just melt my eyeballs or something. I get a feeling of stage fright, but shrug it off best I can. Imagining energy collecting in my fingertips, I make a gun with my hand before speaking confidently.

>Arbitrary Code Execution: Attack Vector

I exaggeratedly fire my finger pistol, shooting a small white sphere from my hand. The target instantaneously freezes in ice, before it explodes from a sudden electric shock, shattering the ice. The ice lands and melts rapidly. Janice walks over while clapping. She looks out at the target, which is still giving off sparks.

>Wonderful, you’re quite the natural. An unusual effect as well, you’ll have to explain how you composed the… Are you alright?

I’m crouched down, covering my face with my hands. If this is how everyone in this world fights I don’t know how long I’ll last. That was the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.


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